Half & Half (11-06-2019)
Place: Jack's Stir Brew
Time: 10:04am
Thoughts: Push and Pull
It's chilly out and the presence of the crisp breeze
carried by the water makes the outside less appealing.
Part of me wishes it were slightly warmer out,
or that the interior was a bit more cozy.
Perhaps the other option would have been more optimal,
but I felt a strong draw to this place; a desire to return.
It's really loud.
I want to hear you a bit better.
I want to know what you have to say.
I've been distant; I pulled away in fear.
Pain hit me in ways that they hadn't hit before in a really long time.
What happened was scary and though I ran to you right away,
I let go just as fast because I was scared,
because I didn't know what to do.
How do I go on?
What do I do?
Nothing.
Just, let go.
I know, I know i have to, I know that it's not mine,
I can't handle it and I don't want it,
but I feel this need to put on a face,
or to put on a false sense of strength.
The truth is,
I don't feel all that strong,
I feel more like a farse if anything...
But...
I know that the "strength" I try to put on is not my own, it's Yours.
The refuge I seek when the world gets scary is You alone.
When I'm faced with the things I fear the most,
You, and only You
are who I trust.
You save me and cradle me.
You send your saints, my family here below to hold me as You do,
to whisper Your truths and Your comfort...
"you can let go. you can trust, I'm here for you"
Thank you.
Even when I shrink in fear,
You are always there to hold me with Your righteous right hand.
Your love and grace,
they guide me.
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