Time: 10:02 a.m.

Thoughts: Our Date and Getting to the Heart of What's Going On

I'm on a perfect date with God right now~

Espresso in my latte: dark, whole, nutty

nothing is watery, it's perfect.

We sit together at a small table for two on the edge of the garage opening~

We sit shaded partially, but wholy seen by the sun.

I reserved a seat for You;

its shadow cast into the sun beams

pouring gently into the shop behind us.

The gentle breeze wraps around us

as we enjoy every sip

and every word whispered

in Our time together.

I went iced, what are You getting?

Old Michael Jackson echoes in the shop behind us~

Funny how "Billy Jean" seems fitting

for this ambience that's going on.

Is this our new spot?

"Hmm...we shall see."

***

"I pour out my complaints before Him 

and tell Him all my troubles. 

When I am overwhelmed,

 you alone know the way I should turn." 

Psalm 142:2-3 NLT

***

God and I sat quietly together, reading, speaking, thinking. 

I read about His Son and the words he spoke in regards to the faith I should have.

 Jesus recognizes faith when we confidently cling on and trust that what ever it is

  WILL happen.

As I finished reading my portion for the day, 

my mind started to cloud up and while praying for a whole host of things, 

my mind drifted and the anxious thoughts 

and negative "what-if" daydreams started flooding in. 

Sadness started to rise up 

and the confidence and strength I had in my letters to my Lord 

was starting to shake and tremble. 

Why?

Had I not just had an amazing date with God? 

Was is not such a beneficial and bonding time? 

Did I not learn anything while pouring over His Word?

I answered:

I'm insecure. 

I allow satan to flood my thoughts with fake,

 divisive scenarios because I am too afraid to speak out what I truly feel,

 and God....I'm really insecure. 

I haven't shared my true thoughts because I fear what others will think 

of my comparing myself to them. 

Will they still love me the same or value our friendship 

with the same level of deepness and continuity as before?

Just be honest, and pour it out~

So I texted. 

And prayed.

 I wasn't sure of the outcome, but He had told me to do it, so I did.

God, please allow me to be open and sober-minded 

while sharing what is truly on my heart. 

Get at the root of my insecurity and expose it all.

 I don't know how this is going to go.

 Will this result in my insecurities coming into fruition? 

Or will this draw us closer?

 I don't know, but I need to do this God. 

I need to pour it out and I'm scared 

and I feel weak and I don't know what to do about it, 

but I have to....

And then,

As I bend to pack away my things,

beside the leg of His chair,

in the rays of the Sun,

A single feather.

***