In Grace I Stand
Ganbyeong, Kangwon-do, South Korea
On a Saturday evening following a beautiful rail bike ride through the countryside,
I looked up to the sky and saw what I had struggled to understand and grasp for so long.
High in the sky, the sun was shining down gently and the breeze was blowing ever so slightly.
The mountains were richly green, vast, and high.
The clouds thinly coated the sky in small portions and the town below was just quiet enough.
Feeling at peace, I let my gaze follow the lengths of each sun ray as it glistened down to the earth.
In that moment, it came to me.
Ah~
This is it. This is what Grace looks like.
Grace is such a funny thing isn't it?
For some reason it seems to be this thing that is so hard to grasp.
We all want the perspectives of others in reference to it.
What does someone else have to say? What scriptures will they show me that I haven't seen?
What insights can they give me that I don't already have?
I found myself falling into this type of mindset.
Someone would mention that they want to learn more about Grace
or that they don't always feel God's Grace so they want to know how to feel or find it.
I would follow that person's thinking and also desire to study it out in hopes that I'd be able to have a better grasp on it.
I would think to myself,
"Charis, you need to memorize the scriptures and believe them and really know what Grace is.
If someone is praying for it, maybe you need to as well."
There's no problem in thinking this, but why?
Why are we so fixated on the complexity of the relationship we have with it?
Why don't we believe we have it or can know what it looks like?
I guess to start, what is there to know about Grace?
The Bible describes Grace as being marvelous, overflowing, glorious, wonderful, generous, revealed, and most importantly, free.
"And since it is through God's kindness, then it is not by their good works. For in that case, God's Grace would not be what it really is-
free and undeserved."
Romans 11:6
God's Grace is freedom.
"Yet God in his Grace, freely makes us right in His sight. He did this through Christ Jesus when
He freed us from the penalty for our sins."
Romans 3:24
We are granted this Grace through Christ.
"...be strong through the Grace that God gives you in Christ Jesus."
2 Timothy 2:1
Grace serves as a source of healing and strength.
We are to grasp onto it in times of weakness, not to glorify us, but to glorify God.
Each time he said, "my grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness."
So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
Grace is found at the throne of God to which we must approach.
"So let us boldly come to the throne of out gracious God.
There we will receive his mercy, and we will find Grace to help us when we need it most."
Hebrews 4:16
When we stand in Grace, we do so as free souls, not just because we "choose" to stand there in our hard times. All this is truly wonderful and too complex really to comprehend at first, mind you I am summarizing as best I can. But there's a difference between mentally believing these scriptures and what Grace is said to be and truly trusting His Grace in your heart and soul as well.
***
I've struggled with this concept greatly. Conceptually, I understand Grace and I believe in it as it's a gift we receive upon being made alive again in Christ. But beyond this mental agreement, I really didn't know or accept this Grace. I felt that I had to do things to earn it from God. If I repented something a certain amount of times or if I read enough scriptures about it, I'd get it.
As a Type A+ person (yes, A positive...), or perfectionist really, I developed this unhealthy pressure and unrealistic standard of perfection that needed to be reached each day. I can get into the depths of perfectionism with a later post, but when it comes to school, my walk with God, or my day to day life, I place a lot of pressure on myself. When I don't meet my standard, I equate falling short to failing completely. It's something that I've had to learn to change. I've been learning to have grace with myself regarding this, but have been learning more about the Grace that God shows me in regards to this, especially here in Seoul.
I felt this recently when I had failed (by my standard) by showing up late to church.
This summer I've made it a point to be early to church in order to fellowship, find a seat,
and be actively connected to the worship and sermon.
I was late to service for the first time recently due to a lack of sleep and a long commute time.
My time of arrival was right when they locked the doors to keep focus on communion and contribution.
Because the doors were locked for that 10-15 minute block,
I missed communion and missed the contribution basket, which to me meant I failed God.
It's not logical, but I truly felt in that moment that I failed God by missing that portion of service.
Later when there was a group discussion surrounding habitual lateness and lack of consideration for others around them,
I felt like my failing God was confirmed. I felt attacked. I felt hurt.
When pouring this out to a sister, rather than give advice in the moment,
she wrapped her arms around me, held me tight, and prayed.
I felt safe in that moment.
I felt that despite being in a room full of people, I was taken to the secret place
that God calls us to be in when strengthening our foundation in Him.
My thoughts moved from
"Why am I being attacked, I tried, I love God, I don't want to fail"
to
"It's okay. God says it's okay. I'm okay."
And in that moment, I felt it.
This is God's Grace.
His Grace wraps around us and is the freedom we seek from the trap of our own minds.
It is in this Grace that we find refuge.
When God sees me, he sees His Son.
All my inadequacies are filled in with Grace, which was received when I died to my old self
and rose again as a new person in Christ and received the Holy Spirit.
God sees me as perfect because of Christ's sacrifice for me.
Therefore, all the ways in which I fall short,
God shows his Grace upon me, unconditionally.
"For by that one offering he forever made perfect those who are being made holy."
Hebrews 10:14
I'm not saying that it takes ugly crying in the arms of a sibling in Christ to understand this concept, but this Grace is always there.
It isn't earned, it isn't conditional, it's an ever-present gift.
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