When You Walked Away
Not one goodbye.
Not a single goodbye.
I think of you now and tears well
they long to pour out
to be seen by you before you go.
I look and wonder how I didn't see.
Slowly, you were turning away,
Slowly, you were turning away,
back towards that dark forest,
leaving the Sun and gentle breeze in which you once sought refuge.
I fall towards blame.
Blame towards everything surrounding you.
The mysticism of that which seemed better than the Sun.
Why was it so alluring to you?
Why did you run away,
back into the shadows,
back into what seemed to be... but not is.
With you, I recognize my wrongs.
I
a young child,
still being weaned,
still being weaned,
needed to taste the solid to come.
I did not know how to be on my own
and sought safety in you instead of You.
I'm sorry.
But I also wonder, why pain and the pursuit of dust
has taken you captive and pulled you away from everything that is Light.
Why?
I ask, in tears.
Sometimes I pray that God would've stopped you.
I wish for Him to yank your arm back onto the road less travelled
and that you would be content with who you are
and not what "the universe" calls you to be.
you whom I loved,
you whom I love,
are missed and
the memories with you shall never fade away.
the memories with you shall never fade away.
But I trust.
soon.
someday soon.
We will be with you again.
you who are red.
or blue
or green.
I know that you burned bright...once before.
The "happiness" you wear is a mask sitting on your face
disguising the truth... how sad you really are.
We are in pain.
we are all in pain, but each person's suffering does not outweigh the other.
you were loved.
you were chosen.
you were lifted up high, beyond what you could ever know.
Yet,
the choice to have something less, dragged you away.
I hid.
I ran.
I sat in fear, for I let your dying light be my source of shelter,
I should've been seeking the flames of the One up High.
I ran.
I hid.
I sat in fear.
Scared of the light that was leaving you.
How could you not see it? How could you not know?
I kept bending over, trying to relight your flame.
With each bend, a little portion of my own light started to dwindle,
until I became a mere spark, sitting right above darkness.
So I ran.
and I hid.
and I sat in Love.
Because my Light was precious and I had to have it back.
He lit my Lamp and turned my darkness into
The Light in which I now remain.
But in order to cling to Him, I had to leave
you.
In anger you lit up bitterness, in pain you lit up rage
you were unreachable
then,
you were so far gone.
But I trust.
soon.
someday soon.
you will love with Us again.
Something.
There was something there that night,
the one that changed everything.
A half-hearted smile, but deceit lay crouching behind your eyes,
hoping to remain unseen.
I look back and I ask myself,
was it then?
was it then that the strings by which your Spirit held on said,
"I'm letting go."
you.
In silence you sat.
plotting, hiding, masking, the real wishes harbored in your soul.
What sits inside is no longer a tongue of fire.
you are a clanging cymbal...one without sound.
Why would you do this?
and how could you
treat the ones you love
how much pain I feel
it nearly overflows.
blinded.
you are just so blinded.
I loved you.
our tears fell into the hands of Love and Light
together
we were in this together
we were fighting together
we were crying together
In your arms was I
and in my arms were you.
I begged for your words, for your truth to be free
I hope you know. I hope you truly know.
how much
you were loved,
how much I
loved
you were loved,
how much I
loved
you.
But I trust.
soon.
someday soon.
you will all return again.
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